Patches The Pirate is the most broken card Hearthstone has ever released. There, I said it! I’ve written about the murloc turned buccaneer more times than I’ve called my mother this year. He’s a genuine nuisance that gives aggro decks an early game advantage without doing anything other than drawing well. To say it’s a highly debated card amongst fans severely undermines its relevance, since it might be the card that receives the most complaints on the Hearthstone subreddit. On Friday, reddit user Gatekeeper1310 shared what they wanted out of a Patches nerf. The post quickly gained upvotes and hit over 6,000 by the end of the day.
Quickly, other users started to post their own versions of the pirate—some even took the challenge seriously while others used it a vessel for memes. MorningPants created a Priest version that would be too powerful to print, while rpdj tries to make Demons even more powerful. Gatekeeper1310 returned with a way to make Discard Warlock slightly less shitty. Other users poked fun at the expense of the game, including Manbrasucks, who created the perfect card for users with more money to throw at Hearthstone than sense. Over 11 posts managed to hit the front page, which means Patches not only ruins my games, but also ruins my subreddits.
My personal favorite has to be Catches The Pirate by LimpCush, who manages to perfectly counter the little tentacle weasel. Though including a card that’s useless in decks that aren’t fighting Pirates might seem a little risky, it’s worth using for the one time it will work. I might not be able to see the look on my opponent’s face, but I have zero problems imagining him crying over his tablet, closing Hearthstone and walking off into the sunset forever.
We are only a few weeks away from the next Hearthstone expansion, which calls the end of the Year Of The Mammoth and the retirement of Patches. According to Game Director Ben Brode, the card was originally supposed to be a Dragon in Blackrock Mountain and then a Pirate in The Grand Tournament , but it never worked out. If this card has taught us anything, it’s that cards that get scrapped more than once probably shouldn’t end up in the game to begin with.
