'Overwatch' Anniversary Event: Blizzard Needs To Give Me Everything I Want

Art from BrotherBaston

Overwatch’s long-anticipated anniversary event starts this week and I couldn’t be more excited. For over a year, I’ve been engrossed in the world of omnics, cybernetic ninjas, tesla-cannon wielding apes and laser beam turrets. Every aspect of the game, from the lore of the Overwatch universe to the actual gameplay, is flawless, making it one of the best games I’ve ever played. I might just be a Blizzard fanboy, but it’s kind of hard not to be.

Now that the Overwatch anniversary event is on our doorstep, I thought I’d spend some time wishlisting. I’ve compiled a database, using hours of deep study and copious amounts of thinking herb, of skins, emotes and other crazy modes I’ve always wanted to see in Overwatch but never could. This event is for the fans and Jeff Kaplan and his team of artists, developers and designers better not disappoint.

Here’s what I want out of the Overwatch anniversary event:

An Arcade Mode That Isn’t 1v1 (Or Hard)- I play Overwatch on console like the dirty scrub I am. I’ve long since given up on trying to be the best player (or even the best one at IDigitalTimes) and settled at a nice silver mediocrity. I have still not been able to get the one loot box that comes from winning a 1v1 match and it frustrates me to no end. I see the free cosmetics sitting in a proverbial time capsule, unable to be bashed open like a Pinata on Dorado.

Past Overwatch event modes have either been super fun or gimmicky and boring. Playing horde modes like Junkenstein’s Terror or King’s Row Uprising were extremely fun, mainly because of my lack of aim. AI controlled robots or zombies don’t dodge bullets or strafe attacks. Lucio Ball and Mei’s Snowball Fight were less fun, I’d play one of those matches just to get my free loot box and then never touch the mode again. Blizzard needs to give fans something worth playing, though I’m not sure we know that is yet.

All Of The Skins I’ve Ever Dreamt Of- Like Jeff Kaplan, I lay awake at night thinking of Overwatch. I ponder why D.Va still has very little backstory, whether Junkrat and Roadhog are more than just partners in crime and when I’m going to get that next awesome skin. We’ve already seen a few skins from the event, but none of them are perfect enough to get me to drop 50 smackeroos on some loot boxes. I can’t tell you exactly what this skin is, what hero it should be for or even what color it needs to be: all I know is that I desperately crave it.

Blizzard’s artists need to read my mind or I’m going to be severely disappointed. Here’s a hint, it’s not for Winston.

Doomfist- If Doomfist is not a playable character on Tuesday, Overwatch’s entire first year will have been wasted.

Are you as hyped about the Overwatch event as me? You can tell me in the comments, but I’d much prefer you send me a sealed envelope with all your favorite heroes ranked by skill, fun-factor and how sweaty you get after playing.