Back in November at BlizzCon, Blizzard doubled down on their commitment to LGBT characters in their wildly popular shooter Overwatch. Lead writer Michael Chu stated

“We definitely haven’t forgotten about what we said. Like we said, it’s very important for us to have diversity and inclusiveness of all types, and that includes LGBT characters. There are definitely LGBT heroes [in Overwatch] — that’s multiple heroes.

It’s a decision that we make when we’re developing these heroes early on. We want the stories about characters relationships — and not just romantic, but familial relationships and stuff like that — to come out in the course of stories that we feel really do them justice. So, because of some of the stories that we’ve done so far, we haven’t really had any time to shed light on that.

But, that said, I can say that we do have a story coming up soon — and that’s not Blizzard(TM) soon, it’s actually soon — that will address this. And, just to reiterate, it’s something that absolutely is important to us.”

Now that the Reflections comic is out, fans have had a chance to rejoice over Tracer’s reveal as an LGBT character. But Blizzard has promised more LGBT Overwatch heroes to come. So who’s next? Let’s go through the whole cast list and make some shit up.

Genji

Could Genji be gay? Is his relationship with Zenyatta more than “just friends”?

In the Reflections comic, he’s shown with a piece of paper and quill in hand. Mercy is shown reading a letter. This does not indicate heterosexual activity, as we all know that Genji is just spamming “I need healing.”

However, Genji credits his relationship with Zenyatta for helping him come to terms with his new cyborg form and spends much of his time with the Omnic. So… maybe.

Verdict: Possible.

McCree

Fans like to pair McCree with Hanzo, presumably because they’re two characters whose faces we can actually see. And I mean, they really like to pair McCree with Hanzo. Have these two ever spoken to each other? ...Has that ever stopped anybody?

Plus, his cowboy thing could be a Brokeback Mountain reference or it could just be a YMCA-style love of costumes. He’s called out for his attire plenty of times, yet persists. Love of drama and theatre? Excited by the hypermasculine aesthetic? Hmm…

Anyway, if McCree is going to be gay for anyone, it’s definitely Reaper. Reaper took McCree under his wing when McCree was an impressionable teenager and Reaper was in his prime as the leader of Blackwatch. Of course Reaper wasn’t interested, because he was a grown-ass man, but what delinquent-ass teen wouldn’t pin their gay little hopes on such a powerful, dangerous figure?

Verdict: Possible, and pretty entertaining.

But there’s another reason Reaper had no interest. And that’s because…

Reaper

If Reaper is gay for anyone, he’s gay for Soldier 76.

Come on! They have it all: the complicated history, the friendship-to-enemies trope, the betrayal, the drama, the pathos, the obsession with each other. The only thing that could make their backstory more delicious is if they were not merely best friends and close colleagues, but lovers.

Love turned by time, bitterness and Talon brainwashing to hate and misunderstanding? A dark-skinned Latino undead nanobot abomination man who loves spanking the monkey gorilla, Christian Bale’s Batman voice and the Lakers? Think of the representational triumph!

Verdict: Highly possible. Blizzard pls.

Soldier 76

The only person on the planet that Soldier 76 should be gay for is Reaper. He and Reaper are mirrors, so he’s going to be just as gay for Reaper as Reaper is for him.

Think about it: Soldier 76 is a consistent fella. He doesn’t want newfangled entanglements when he has so many complicated old ones. Who is going to want his musty old self? Someone equally old and musty. Someone with whom he’s got history. Someone he knows... Someone like Reaper.

Verdict: Blizzard pls! It makes so much narrative sense!

Pharah

Lesbian Pharah would be a triumph for vertical lesbian representation. As a flying lesbian, she is one of the most powerful lesbian types attainable. Boosted and protected by Mercy’s power and genius, lesbian Pharah is pure and good.

Even if Phamercy is never canon in the comics, it’s canon in Overwatch gameplay mechanics anyway, so why not rubber-stamp it?

Verdict: Would be nice.

Mercy

Only with Pharah.

Verdict: No Pharah no cry.

Sombra

She can literally retract her nails. What kind of incredible lesbian ability….

Verdict: Do it for the kids.

Bastion

Do androids dream of electric sheep? Do war machines dream of love on beds of roses? If any war machine does, it’s Bastion. Find Bastion some old piece of post-war scrap metal to love and raise Ganymede with.

Verdict: Robots can love too.

Zenyatta

Zenyatta is a monk. His whole schtick is tranquility, the embrace of the iris, blah blah. What does gender mean in the Iris? It should mean nothing to Zenyatta. Zen should love people for who they are, not what shape their body is. And we already know that he does: he was the one who helped Genji come to depths with his new cyborg form.

Zenyatta loves all.

Verdict: Omnic Love Rights Now!

Hanzo

Hanzo killed his own brother and left him for dead. He doesn’t deserve love from anyone.

Verdict: Die alone.

Junkrat

If Junkrat isn’t eventually revealed to be in big gay cahoots with Roadhog, I’ll be gobsmacked. They seem to have so much fun in each other’s company. Plus, Junkrat hired Roadhog to be his bodyguard watch his ass. Sure, Junkrat teases Mei, but that’s because Junkrat is compulsively annoying and can’t help it. He already has a strong relationship with Roadhog. Taking it to the next step feels natural.

I don’t know if Junkrat is gay, but I feel in my heart that he loves Roadhog almost as much as Roadhog loves bacon. Doesn’t that count?

Verdict: 10/10 bacon cheeseburgers.

Roadhog

Why not?

I mean, I just can’t think of one single good reason why not. Give me the fat gay shark-pig man representation. Why not?

Verdict: 10/10 pig plushies.

Mei

Satan does what Satan wants. Give Mei a girlfriend so she can tell the haters to stay frosty.

Verdict: Do demons have gender?

Torbjorn

Let the straights keep him and his 87 kids.

Verdict: The gays don’t want him.

Widowmaker

Widowmaker needs to not be brainwashed before we start talking about her sexual preference and romantic attractions. Sorry, Tracer/Widowmaker fans. Isn’t she still grieving her dead husband anyway?

Verdict: Lose the purple first.

D.va

A tiny lesbian Gremlin soldier/streamer baby. She loves crushing n00bs more than she loves anyone on the planet, but who’s to say the girl that changes her life might not be close at hand? Go ahead and make D.va gay.

Verdict: 5/5 Mountain Dews.

Reinhardt

A legendary old gay warrior. What about that old Knight-Commander of his from the war whose armor is one of Reinhardt’s legendary skins? That would be a pretty touching backstory.

Verdict: 87/87 of Torbjorn’s kids.

Winston

Winston is a gorilla and has enough to be getting on with.

Verdict: Isn’t being a gorilla hard enough?

Zarya

Zarya is definitely a lesbian. She just hasn’t been announced yet, but I know, and Zarya knows, and all of the lesbians know. She is a powerful Siberian bear… let her bench press some lovely lady.

Verdict: Going to happen.

Ana

Older women, even ones who’ve had children and relationships with men, can identify as lesbian just as much as anyone else. Or as bisexual, or as anything other than straight. Give us the vagaries of the human experience, Blizzard! Show us the way!

Verdict: If she’s not in an oldies threesome with Reaper and Soldier, then give her a nice old lady lover. She’s cosmopolitan, beautiful, why not?

Lucio

This gay is gonna do great! “Beyonce with a gun” should definitely be gay. It’s only justice.

Verdict: Blast Lady Gaga out of all your dreadlocks, girl! That’s right, his dreads have speakers in the ends…

Symmetra

I really want to be with her. Symmetra is best waifu. Please make her a lesbian.

Verdict: Blizzard, pls.

Who do you think will be Blizzard’s next top LGBT character? Feel free to let us know in the comments section of this extremely serious article below.