Ashley Madison’s massive hack in August of last year caused 9.7 GB of personal data to be leaked and spread across the internet. In response, Ashley Madison has… enabled the option to slap a sloppy little Mardi Gras mask over your cheating, lying face. Security achieved . Wait, what?
On Ashley Madison’s new profile page, a new box has appeared that says, "We respect your need for discretion so we've added some tools to keep your identity a secret. Upload a new photo and you will have the option to crop it and add a mask!"
The “discreet photo” tool allows you to choose between two different masks (black or brown), a black bar covering your soulful eyes, or four different blur options. The user doesn’t place the mask; instead, facial recognition software automatically determines where on your photo the mask should go.
Unfortunately, there’s no “Superman” option to slap big nerd glasses on your cheater face, despite decades of comics proving that this is far more effective subterfuge than even the Zorro-iest of Zorro masks. And all this cloak-and-dagger, high-security stealth action leaves me with one simple question: Hamburglar, what are you hiding?
As a response to one of the biggest hacks in recent memory, a cute little mask option isn’t likely to satisfy. It’s hard to imagine how four different blur options for your face will protect your credit card transactions, real name or address from the next group of hackers with an axe to grind.
Ashley Madison currently claims over 40 million users, a number called into question by suits such as the one filed by alleged profile-writer Doriana Silva. An investigation by Gizmodo resulted in a hilariously cyberpunk picture of Ashley Madison, a site where an army of crazed fembots wearing the skins of “Angels,” or empty fake profiles, hassle unattached males with nonsense in over 30 different languages. William Gibson novel synopsis or nah?
In related news, Avid Life Media’s CEO at the time, Noel Biderman, has since stepped down . The (many) lawsuits against Ashley Madison are currently being consolidated in St. Louis. As for the hack itself? It may have been an inside job .
