The battle for t-shirts was lost long ago. We are inundated with monstrosities. The Ghostbusters burst out of a DeLorean, “BACK TO THE FIREHOUSE.” Hermione peeks out of the Daria logo. Rick and Morty crash into a TARDIS. And is that Daenerys with Pete’s dragon?
But though we are broken and humiliated — endlessly reiterating the least possible creative impulse like Syfy producers brainstorming new things to combine with sharks — it can always get worse. And Game of Thrones is particularly susceptible to this cultural illness.
It could, for example, infect our headlines, mashing up Happy Days and Game of Thrones.
Or it could slowly invade our entire political discourse, until all that’s left is Salon and Daily Beast shitposts and even newspapers are pooping out “If the 2016 presidential candidates were Game of Thrones characters… ”
Or mash-ups could form an alliance, signing a twisted internet Molotov – Ribbentrop Pact with the greatest enemy of all life: brands. Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse than “personal branding” or that one shirt with the Clockwork Orange Minions, someone mashed together Airbnb and Game of Thrones to create Heirbnb.
Collaborators:
Heirbnb is your new go-to site for affordable vacations in Westeros https://t.co/FedwADmgbZ
— Mashable (@mashable) May 20, 2016
Would you like to see a bedroom with a Jaime Lannister profile pic hanging in the corner? Or Hodor’s inexplicably nice quarters for rent? And — since the original conception for this website must have been “fuck humans, let’s just burn it all down” — how would you like to see a Heirbnb listing mashing up Daenerys and a GIF of Treebeard from Lord of the Rings?
Oh, you wouldn’t, would you? Well, too bad, because the mash-up military machine will soon crunch everything under its treads, until all life is Game of Thrones + Brand and you’ll have no choice to laugh and laugh and laugh until your jaw splits from the top of your skull and your broken brain tumbles out, only to be repurposed for a Krang/Darth Vader mash-up tee.
We’ve lost.
