Dating has evolved since your parents first took each to the Sadie Hawkin’s dance at their local high school. The internet has broadened the scope of potential suitors far beyond that girl or guy at your local coffee shop or bar. Online dating, either through apps like Tinder or OkCupid, have become a new way to meet the people that might make you feel a little less dead on the inside.
I had my first OkCupid account at 18 years-old and I’ve been using online dating apps on and off for about six years. I’ve had some successes, (I met my current girlfriend online) but mostly failures. I know how hard putting yourself out there can be, because I’ve done it. Through behind-the-scenes magic, combined with some potion mixing, I’ve managed to compile a list of tips anyone, but especially gamers, can take with them out into the battlefield of online dating.
Quick disclaimer: this is coming from a straight, white male millennial who lives in New York City. I cannot say you’ll have a similar experience to my own, I can only tell you what I’ve learned along the way.
Constructing A Profile- The first step in using an online dating service is creating a profile that says who you are. Not too much about you, keep that massive horde of Kill la Kill figurines hidden away until they’ve gotten a sense of who you are. Just enough so that you look unique without looking too desperate or creepy. Finding that balance is extremely hard and you will fail a lot before you succeed.
Amy Webb is a digital strategist who took an analytical approach to online dating. If you have the time, I seriously recommend watching her 2013 TED Talk where she dissects her experience in a quirky and engaging way. If you don’t have the full 17 minutes, here’s the TL;DR:
Don’t come off too strong on the first message, but a simple “hey :)” will get you nowhere.
Profiles with the highest success rate have around 100 words per section, don’t write your Magnum Opus under your Tinder profile.
A shirtless profile picture for either men or women, reeks of desperation. A little bit of upper arm, just don’t have your chest, biceps or beer belly take up more of the picture than your head.
Guys, Don’t Be A Creep- This is number one on my list of things I tell other guys jumping into the online stratosphere to find someone. From Match.com to Blackpeoeplemeet, everyone is looking for something special and different; I can assure you that that special something isn’t your dick. On the dozen or so dates I’ve been on over the last few months, at least half of the girls received a dick pic that nearly made them run far away from their computers. No random stranger will start a conversation with you if your opener is your penis or the offer of seeing your penis.
Get Ready For Rejection- It doesn't matter if you are in the heart of NYC or rural somewhere land, there will be a ton of competition. Hundreds of other guys are throwing their fishing poles out into the open waters, waiting for even a nibble out on the internet’s open waters. You could spend hours, days, months waiting for something to bite, and when you do, you might just end up catching a minnow when you wanted a trout.
Online dating, regardless of the platform, is a waiting game. You might have to write 99 messages for just one to hit. Don’t get discouraged if nobody is messaging you back or you aren’t matching with anyone good on Tinder, luck is a factor, too.
Obsessions Are Your Worst Enemy- Gamers, nerds, geeks and other eccentric individuals can tend to be a bit … intense about the things they care about. I assure you, my passion for the original Pokémon Gold is something I can, and will, rant about. When talking to someone who doesn't know you very well online, it’s not a bad idea to try and curb some of your extreme tendencies. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t be yourself, if there’s something you feel should be said, go for it. It just means that if a girl you message asks if you like Star Wars, it might not be the best idea to go off on a 300-word essay about how George Lucas ruined the prequels.
It’s Still All Just A Game- Online Dating is the most realistic dating simulator ever invented. Instead of being in a Japanese high school deciding between three green-haired girls in mini skirts, you are in your own body messaging a self-described feminist. It’s a learning process for everyone involved and it’s not that serious. If someone doesn't message you back, it’s not the end of the world.
If you find you are having trouble dealing with the immense pressure of finding a potential suitor, try to disconnect yourself from the situation. There are very few real world consequences when starting a conversation online, it only becomes real when you want it to be. Make mistakes, try different profiles, say what’s on your mind, if it gets sloppy or too weird, just block the person and move on with your day. Even the creepiest of creepers can get the message.
Have Fun, The End Goal Is Still About Being Happy- I can only speak for myself, but I think online dating is a wonderful tool. Introverts that have trouble speaking can find an in, a way to establish a connection with someone without the fear of in-person rejection. Guys, don’t give up, you’ll find your dream girl soon enough. :)
What’s your worst online dating story, tell us in the comments.
