Sony’s Spider-Man Spinoff With Black Cat & Silver Sable Is A Mistake

Earlier this week, Sony Entertainment honcho Amy Pascal announced Sony is looking to expand the Spider-Man cinematic universe with the introduction of a Black Cat, Silver Sable spin-off movie, Silver And Black , slated for Feb. 8, 2019. Were you a fan of Spider-Man Homecoming’s charming self-contained story? Did you love the throwback sense of innocence and adventure ushered in by director Jon Watts and actor Tom Holland? Were you surprised at how fresh the film felt despite it being the third reboot in the span of a decade? Well, buckle up lamb chops, because Pascal just stepped back into the ring and she’s just itching to make another misstep.

Still riding the wave of the critical darling that was the Emoji movie (you know the film that featured beloved thespian Sir Patrick Stewart as a literal pile of excrement in a bow-tie), Sony just announced a Black Cat, Silver Sable team-up film, set in a separate Spidey universe that doesn’t feature Tom Holland’s Spider-Man, or any competent filmmakers. Here we are in 2017 and Sony’s taking another swing at a cinematic universe. It’s like that old William Edward Hickson quote? “If you don’t succeed, just shit out another pile of garbage because these pigs will pay to see literally anything.”

Look, if anyone can relate to being self-destructive, it’s me, an adult that recently double fisted two movie theatre hot dogs during a midnight screening of Xanadu. But for Christ’s sake, way to piss away all of the goodwill achieved by the shared licensing deal with Marvel. The ENTIRE world had reservations about the deal being advantageous for Marvel. Oh swell, the fogie suits responsible for Baby Geniuses and Pixels are sinking their disgusting old fogie claws back into Spider-Man, a franchise they just finished ruining as recently as three years ago.

Spider-man was like Arnold from Diff'rent Strokes and Sony was like Mr. Horner, the bike shop owner. We were all sitting at home hoping Spidey would wise up and book it before Sony could get the job done. By the way, if you haven't seen “The Bicycle Man” episode o f Diff'rent Stroke s, do yourself a favor and don’t. Ever. Point being, we had very few reasons to believe Spider-Man’s introduction in Civil War or his own big screen solo outing was going to be any good…..but then it was. It was really good and we all took a collective sigh of relief. But that didn’t last long, because peppered by the news of Tom Holland’s future role in the MCU was Pascal’s insistence that the length of the web head’s tenure over at Marvel was still up the air, and that she still had plans to salvage her Spidey-verse.

Marc Webb recently spoke with the guys over at Den of Geeks to shed some light as to what that said universe would have looked like had Amazing Spider-man 2 performed better at the box office. The ideas at play ranged from “mhm, interesting,” like a solo Sinister Six movie to laughably awful like Norman Osborne's dismembered head returning to wreak havoc. Seriously, that isn’t an irreverent attempt at humor, Sony Pictures was going to release a film that featured a god damn floating head in a jar as a primary villain. This concept alone warrants admonishing, saying nothing of the rumoured Aunt May prequel film.

SIlver Sable rules. Black Cat rules. And a movie that features the duo should excite me, yet it doesn’t, because Sony Picture is a haven for cornballs and Amy Pascal is a kooky hack. Write your congressmen, folks, keep Spidey in the MCU. Don’t you want to see him team up with Doctor Strange? Or would you rather see Aunt May Begins ?