After a long three months without Steven Universe, our favorite rebel Gems return to us in 2016 with a new Stevenbomb: Steven’s Birthday Bomb . Monday’s Steven Universe episode “ The Answer ” started fans off with some major Crystal Gem backstory. As for “ Steven’s Birthday ,” this episode is summarized as follows: “Steven has a birthday party out at the barn, and decides he has some growing up to do.”
As far as the rest of this Stevenbomb is concerned, we’ve got “ It Could’ve Been Great ” on Jan. 6, followed by “ Message Received ” (gulp) on Jan. 7 and “ Log Date 7 15 2 ” on Friday. And after that, who knows if we’ll have a long hiatus before another Stevenbomb or return to regularly-scheduled programming? So let’s get started.
“Steven’s Birthday” starts with Steven and the Gems taking a break from the drill at a birthday table in front of the barn. Peridot has primly opted out of the celebration, despite Amethyst’s affectionate invitation. Greg arrives as well, Connie in tow. Her parents are allowing her to stay for the weekend, though only after burdening her with as much safety equipment as possible (cut to a baffled Greg in the background: “What should we do with this defibrillator?” Pfft).
Greg scoops Steven up in a hug and squeezes him. “Seems like just yesterday you were a baby and now you’re turning fourteen years old,” Greg says fondly. The baffling secret of Steven’s age, revealed! Connie spits out her straw in shock; she’s only 12 and three-quarters. Greg whips out the ol’ photo album, showing an adorable variety of baby photos. There’s Steven as an infant, baby, toddler… but after the age of eight, Steven hasn’t changed at all.
Clearly unsettled, Connie asks Greg over to the van to ask him privately whether Steven will ever grow up. Greg doesn’t know the answer himself, which doesn’t really reassure Connie. An eavesdropping Steven looks quietly worried.
The Gems continue to set up Steven’s celebration, and Amethyst shifts her height briefly to post Steven’s birthday banner above the barn doors, commenting on how much easier it’d be for Steven if he did that as well…. while also noting that she can’t hold this forever. Then Greg comes over with Steven’s birthday cape and crown, urging him into the barn to get changed as they continue the celebration.
When the barn doors open, they reveal a taller, older Steven whose t-shirt is now a crop top. Steven, noooo! Crop tops are terrible!
He awkwardly steps forward, and when he speaks, his voice has dropped. Greg, Connie and Amethyst all stare in surprise. “I had a magical growth spurt, just now. Cool, right?” Steven says blithely. After the initial surprise, everyone takes Steven’s new form in stride. The day’s festivities continue, but it’s taking massive effort for Steven to maintain this older shape. Come evening, everyone’s dancing in the barn, and Steven must sneak away to shift back to his accustomed form for a break.
Unfortunately, he shifts right in front of Amethyst and his father. When questioned as to why he’d do something that is so unlike him, he glances towards Connie in a panic: “When Connie grows up and becomes President, what is that gonna make me, First Boy?!” Even Amethyst’s explanation that holding a stretched-out form for too long will hurt him doesn’t stop him. Greg sighs helplessly as Steven parrots his own words back at him: “We’ll just have to wait and see, right?”
Cut to Connie and Steven on a blanket under the stars, where Connie is relaxed and seemingly oblivious to Steven’s fight to hold his form. Connie confides that she’s relieved she’ll be able to grow up with him. Upon hearing this, Steven loses all composure and shifts right into a startled infant, then starts bawling. Can’t one birthday pass without psychologically troubling age shifts, Steven?
The Gems can do nothing to calm the squalling baby. “My power means nothing to an infant,” Garnet deadpans. Amazing. Greg steps in, and he and Connie go for a drive with Steven in an adorable rabbit-eared carseat, Connie anxiously waving a rattle at Steven. Turns out Greg did all the rearing of baby Steven, so while Greg doesn’t know how to get Steven back to normal, he does know how to take care of a tiny human.
Greg offers to take Connie home and call her later, but Connie wants to stay and be there for Steven. “I wanna hang out with you no matter what,” Connie promises baby Steven. It’s getting a little bit Jacob and Renesmee for me here, but at hearing this, Steven stops crying. ...Aaand, the carseat is Amethyst, who announces that baby Steven needs a diaper change. Did not see that one coming.
The next morning, Steven has reverted to his usual form. (Shout-out to the best line in the episode, delivered in a breathless panic by Connie: “Steven’s microscopic. He’s reverted back to a zygote!”) Abashedly, Steven apologizes to Connie and admits he overheard her talking to his father. But Connie reassures him that she likes him just as he is, non-human aging and all.
Then she notices a facial hair, which sends Steven into transports of excitement as a genuine, if tiny, sign of aging. Greg calls over the Gems, who ooh and aww over it as Connie looks on wistfully. End of episode. Will Steven ever again have a birthday that doesn’t put his psychological issues on the spot?
As much as I became frustrated with Greg’s repeated protestations of “I don’t know” and seeming helplessness in the face of Steven’s dangerous stubbornness, I also think that Greg’s laid-back attitude is one of the best qualities he could have as Steven’s dad. Greg is able to wing things and take the unknown at face value, which is great when he’s charting unknown ground as the father of a half-human, half-Gem child. It’s undeniable that Greg’s heart is in the right place and that he has a critical role in Steven’s life.
As for Connie, now that she’s shared a psychologically troubling birthday with Steven, it’s like she’s really part of the family. It takes her more work than it does Greg to accept the unknown and navigate the weird waters of Steven’s life, but to her credit, it’s more than clear that she has committed to doing so. Aliens just aren’t the way they are in books, huh kiddo?
While Steven Universe is on hiatus, you can watch HD quality episodes of Steven Universe on Cartoon Network’s web site, where all six episodes from before the hiatus are already up for viewing. To check out past Steven Universe episode recaps, just click here for all of our previous Steven Universe coverage. Make sure to follow us on Twitter to keep posted on more Steven Universe coverage.
