Is an endless universe really endless if the eyeroll is the only physiological sensation its expansiveness can generate?
On Friday several retailers in New York broke the No Man’s Sky street date, selling copies to gaming publications eager to get their hands on it (review copies are being held until the Day 1 update is ready). Kotaku’s Facebook Live gameplay stream forced upon the world a sobering and distressing conclusion: every fucking planet is going to be named Harambe.
For some reason Kotaku is immensely proud of driving yet another nail in the coffin of this rotten gorilla/stale meme.
It’s not yet clear whether No Man’s Sky will allow duplicate planet names. When you upload claims of new discoveries to The Atlas (the universal repository and diamond-shaped No Man’s Sky mascot) they can get rejected, though the criteria for acceptance or rejection is unclear.
But even if No Man’s Sky stops players from naming every star in the sky Harambe, that won’t stop us, the terrible humans. We have an infinite capacity to find workarounds, in direct contrast with our originality. So if we can’t get a billion Harambes, the universe will instead be populated with Haram6e. It's Haramb3s all the way down.
Of course, Harambe is just a representative sample of the naming horrors to come. We’ll soon have a new obnoxious joke to feed the endless guffaw centers of our stupid, stupid brains.
Thank gorilla god the world’s already over Boaty McBoatface.
UPDATE: We may be saved by a Day One patch (but probably not). Sony issued the following statement chiding sites for early coverage and reminding us that a server wipe is coming, too.
Hello Games has a tremendous vision for No Man’s Sky.
Sony Interactive Entertainment understands that some users may have obtained early copies of the game and the only reason we have not sent out review copies yet is due to a significant pre-release patch currently scheduled for Monday, August 8. No Man’s Sky is an ambitious game and the patch is a culmination of the studio’s day-1 aspirations.
Sending out early copies of the game prior to the patch would not be a fair depiction of the game as it’s intended for consumers. For those users who have obtained early copies of No Man’s Sky, their save progress will not carry over to the final game after the universe has been regenerated for launch.
SIE stands by the development studio’s vision for the game. We request that media and consumers respect Hello Games’ efforts, waiting for official review copies and adhering to the global embargo set for Monday, August 8 at 9:00pm PT /12:00am ET Tuesday, August 9 .
Thank you,
SIEA
ANOTHER UPDATE: Went to watch some Twitch streaming and literally (literally!) the second the stream loaded the dude was naming a stegosaurus-looking creature "Harambe."
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
