Tupac Shakur is alive and well in Tasmania after living for years in rural Pennsylvania where he is "straight chillin' here. Keep them bees, work the strawberry patch. End of the day, play on with some World of Warcraft. It's a good life." That's according to Weekly World News, the SUPER-credible (read:sarcasm) news site that also reported that Megan Fox is a man, Kim Kardashian's butt exploded and that the Curiosity rover has run over a Martian cat.
In spite of the apparent silliness, the Tupac story had legs. Obviously, the exclusive interview aspect is BS, but the rumor that Pac is still out there isn't seen as media fluff. In fact, there's almost always someone willing to throw a little credible fuel onto the "Pac ain't dead" fire.
Enter Suge Knight.
A report on TMZ highlighted segments from an interview Knight gave on 93.5 KDay in L.A. with Tattoo and Cee Cee. Knight told the DJs the reason the murder is unsolved is because there IS no murder.
"Maybe the question is ... Pac's not really dead ... pac's somewhere else," Knight said. When asked if he ever saw Tupac's body following the 1996 shooting, he adds, "Nobody seen Tupac dead. The person who supposedly cremated Tupac ... this guy got about 3 million dollars .. personally from me ... cash ... and next thing I know I never heard from the guy or seen him again ... he retired and left."
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If you can't trust a convicted felon who, for some reason, gave $3 million to a guy running a crematorium and expected him NOT to retire, well, who can you trust?
Answer: Sophisticated conspiracy theorists.
David Wong has an insanely popular article on Cracked.com where he details the "clues" Tupac left behind for fans in the albums released after his death, along with some tongue-in-cheek humor. The post-mortem prolificacy of Shakur is the chief argument for his still being alive. "How can a guy who died release seven albums?" Those numbers don't lie. After his death in 1996, Tupac released seven albums by November 2002. By contrast, the definitely alive Eminem released five albums in the same time period. Altogether Tupac has released 15 albums since his death, three times the amount he released while he was alive. And these albums don't count compilations, remixes, etc., but actual fresh material.
As a skeptic, I have to admit, it's kind of weird. The non-crazy explanation is that Tupac was recording tons and tons of material in a relentless effort to get out from under an unfair contract from Suge Knight. (Interestingly, people who believe he's dead feel Suge Knight is the number one suspect, so those conspiracy people love it when Suge tries to act like the murder never happened. Especially because he was SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE CAR NEXT TO PAC WHEN HE GOT SHOT!!)
Then there's the Machiavelli stuff.
Tupac's first posthumous album was titled "Makaveli: Don Killuminati: The 7-Day Theory" and people were quick to point out the Niccolo Machiavelli, the Italian philosopher whose masterwork "The Prince" is still studied today for legitimate political strategy, said that faking your death is the best way to foil your enemies. And Tupac faked his death because he uncovered secret plots by the secret shadow organization known as the Illuminati. You know, cause R.Kelly's album "Chocolate Factory" is really an allusion to his secret life running a whimsical candy warehouse.
And then the Tupac sightings.
Tupac and 50 Cent.
Tupac in New Orleans.
A picture is worth a thousand theories, as the saying goes. And Tupac died on Friday, September 13th, so, you know, that's pretty good proof. After all, if you're going to fake the death of one of the most renowned international celebrities of the day, better do it with the same kind of wink-and-nod humor usually reserved for out-of-touch drunk uncles.
