Woe and folly is upon us: CD Projekt Red’s April Fool’s joke puts paid to one of my most sweatily cherished dreams, by indicating that it is so far off the horizon as to be laughable, a mere joke to the legendary Witcher 3 team. And what might that jest be?
Our Consumer Business Analysis and RNG Divisions are thrilled to announce a new, unique and exclusively limited figure of Geralt! pic.twitter.com/FLTTwO1RHc
— CD PROJEKT RED (@CDPROJEKTRED) April 1, 2017
We’re never ever getting a figurine of Geralt’s iconic naked ass in his iconic naked bath. Scorpion or no scorpion, Geralt splayed in a hot bath is a hilarious image that is well-associated with the game thanks to a few gaming outlets using it as their header image any time there is even a smidgen of Witcher 3 related news. Can you blame them?
Look, I love novel figures, and Geralt in a bathtub would rule, damnit. Plonk that bad boy on your coffee table next time your pals come ‘round and see what kind of conversations it starts. “Who’s that guy?” “Can you see his dick?” “Why are you displaying that so publically?” “How much did it cost?” “At least it’s not your complete Amiibo collection this time.” And so on.
Honestly….
I'd settle for a bathtub geralt bean bag chair
— zoë “Baddie Proctor” quinn (@UnburntWitch) April 1, 2017
In other Witcher news, CD Projekt RED has confirmed plans to develop a second major game alongside Cyberpunk 2077. As confirmed on the company’s website, the unknown title will be a AAA RPG scheduled to release between 2017 and 2021. While we know that CD Projekt RED is finished with Geralt, that doesn’t mean CD Projekt RED is finished with the world of the Witcher.
But the name of the game this year is Gwent (which does not make such a beautiful image when submerged in a steamy hot tub), so get ready for cards, cards and more cards until we hear more about Cyberpunk 2077 and that ever so mysterious untitled project.
Are you mourning the loss of the Geralt bathtub figure you never knew you needed? Just think it’s a hilarious April Fool’s joke? Feel free to talk Witcher 3 in our comments section below.
