Fan theories are just as integral to the Star Wars mythos as blue milk and dismemberment. The trailer for The Last Jedi was perfect fodder for fellow serial theorists like myself. It was equal parts cryptic and familiar almost as if to say: “You think you know Star Wars ? Guess again nerd.” It was rewarding.. and posed interesting questions without seeming to get bogged down by them.
There was a lot to glean from Luke’s scarce lines of dialogue, each punctuating an array of striking images as the somber fan fare swelled. But for me the most important piece of dialogue came at the end of the trailer as it finally confirmed a treasured theory of mine: The Jedi are a petty clan of Assholes that should’ve been eradicated centuries ago. This concept is implicit in many of the novels that are no longer considered canon though it is also explored in the prequels and original trilogy.
READ: 'Star Wars: The Last Jedi' Is Full Of 'Rich A-Holes'
It all begins with the characterization of Anakin. Ignoring the well-documented technical shortcomings of the prequel films I believe what is attempted at an explanation of Anakin’s tragic fall to the Dark Side is a deliberate foreshadowing of Luke’s own moral journey seen in the earlier entries. At various points of episodes I through III Anakin, a young adolescent abducted from the only family he’s ever known by a dogmatic fleet of galactic monks, expresses inner conflict and anguish only to be reminded of the cataclysmic consequences of such emotions.
They don’t free his mother from slavery, they don’t let him shtup , they’re generally dismissive of his concerns and to add insult to injury they don’t let him on the council because he’s emotionally unstable and obviously, has trust issues.
The most definitive evidence of the Jedi’s callous nature is found in Revenge of The Sith , when Anakin confides his harrowing premonitions to Yoda. He confesses that he fears someone close to him (who we as the audience know to be his wife Padme) is in danger, and he is unsure of what to do about it. Yoda responds with: “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose, you baby.”
We are made aware of the Jedi order’s strangely self serving priorities. It goes beyond self-righteousness or some misplaced sense of morality and bleeds into hypocrisy. Like when Mace WIndu was totally ready to murder Palpatine, a.k.a. the guy challenging their doctrine and jurisdiction, despite him not standing trial first.
Ultimately Anakin finds solace in Palpatine, as he’s the only person of the mind to empathize with him. Unfortunately for Anakin and literally everyone else Palpatine just so happens to be the most evil dude in the galaxy.
Flash forward two decades and you get a scene that mirrors the one I mentioned earlier. Luke tells Yoda he has to leave Dagoba to rescue his friends as he feels they are in mortal danger. Yoda and Obi Wan protest, and exclaim that he must complete his training. When Luke asks if they mean to say he must sacrifice Han and Leia Yoda responds with: “If you honor what they fight for? Yes, you baby.”
Okay so Yoda and Obi-Wan were straight up gonna let Luke’s friends die so he could finish his training and become powerful enough to kill the guy that made them look like a bunch of stupid assholes. “Prophesy my ass, I just murdered a bunch of kids.”
Ultimately Luke is rewarded for his altruism when he defeats Vader. Not through lightsaber prowess or fancy force magic but by appealing to Vader’s humanity. Luke Skywalker saves the galaxy with the power of love and forgiveness damn it.
If just one jedi would’ve asked poor Anakin how is day was, none of those fucking kids would have died, (Anakin also murders kids in Attack of The Clones), he would have never become Darth Vader, destroy Alderaan or kickstart any of the other horrible things that happened in the original Star Wars trilogy. In The Last Jedi Luke deserves his chance to finally get justice for his family.
